Legally Blind Observations |
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Why Do You Say Such Stupid Shit? Volume 9
Readership, I’m gonna level with you. This past week or so has been so obscenely and ridiculously full of absolutely undiluted pure win that I really haven’t had much to bitch about. As such, this is going to be the first time I’ve gone back-to-back with “Why Do You Say Such Stupid Shit?” and only the second time I’ve ever gone back-to-back with any “feature” (the other time was here and here, with back-to-back “Blame X for Y” posts).
Now, to the Observation.
First off, we have a favorite question asked around exam time in high schools and colleges nationwide.
“How many questions are on the test?”
What the hell does that matter? Are you OCD, and unable to take a test with an odd number of questions? The number of questions is entirely irrelevant; aren’t you going to take the test no matter how many questions there are? If the professor says there are 29823729401 questions, if it’s a final, and you give a shit about your grades, you know damn well you’re gonna take the test. You might bitch and moan about it the whole time (shit, I know I would - that’s almost 30 billion questions!), but you would definitely take that test, and three days later (when you actually finished it), you’d think you were the shit. Don’t even lie.
Secondly, something said during most emergency situations, or drills for emergency situations: “Please move calmly in a single-file line towards the exit.”
NAH BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT MUH WAY I’M ‘BOUT TO DIE!
Seriously though, how the hell are you gonna tell me to move calmly away from that RAGING CONFLAGRATION behind us? I understand that losing your head in an emergency is what gets you and people you care about hurt or killed unnecessarily, but still. When there’s some terrible shit going down around me - fire, explosions, gunshots, etc. - the LAST thing on my mind is being calm. I want to get the FUCK OUTTA THERE. I’ll be calm when I’m several miles away and the probability that I’ll die off some dumb shit is a little diminished.
Lastly, the action of making your bed. While it’s “technically” not something you say, it’s still fucking ridiculous. I mean, look at it logically. What’s going to happen to your bed the next time you use it? Depending on how old you are and what your housing situation is, you’re either gonna sleep in it or screw in it, and unless you’re a quadriplegic, doing either is gonna un-make your bed. So what the fuck.
Stay classy
